If you've sat on the couch across from me in therapy, chances are you have heard me yap about a book that applies to a situation that you’re dealing with. A handful of titles come up in my office most often, especially for clients who are pregnant or postpartum, or are experiencing tricky dynamics in their families of origin.
These are the books I email clients links to after sessions, time and time again. Some validate a feeling clients didn't have words for yet. Some hand them language for a pattern they'd never seen named. I have offered these to friends in need without hesitation. These are my top five recommended reads for clients in my practice.
"Matrescence" by Lucy Jones
This book really blew my hair back. It had me telling everyone I met that there is actually a name for the intense, wobbly adjustment period when you go from having zero to one child. Matrescence (a term coined by anthropologists and popularized by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks) is as seismic as adolescence, yet remains almost entirely unexamined by medicine, science, and culture at large! Lucy Jones explores the transformation that takes place through pregnancy and postpartum, weaving in her personal experience alongside data, neuroscience, economics, sociology, and ecology. I will never stop talking bout this dang book.
"Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts" by Karen Kleiman
Another one for the new moms who are pretty freaked out to find that having a newborn is accompanied by frightening thoughts and images of the harm that could come to their child at any moment. In fact, 90% of new mothers have intrusive thoughts they're terrified to say out loud, according to the author. Karen Kleiman, a GOAT of the perinatal therapy world and the founder of the Postpartum Stress Center, normalizes these "scary thoughts" and helps moms tell the difference between common intrusive fears and something that needs more support without shame. Good news for sleep-deprived mothers: this one is illustrated and incredibly digestible.
“When Good Moms Feel Bad” by Jessica Tomich Sorci
Yes, another one for moms; did you know they’re kind of my jam? This book addresses the "unacceptable" feelings that come with mothering by treating them as individual protective “parts.” This idea stems from Internal Family Systems therapy, which allows us to contain multitudes! It is a beautiful modality to use with new parents, as it accepts and welcomes the parts of us that might feel “bad” or “wrong” and acknowledges that every part has good intentions. This book also validates the struggles that come with new parenthood within a system that under-supports them! Sorci provides guidance for identifying which part is activated in a given moment, understanding what that part is protecting, and building self-trust and self-compassion instead of shame cycles.
"Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason & Randi Kreger
For anyone loving someone with borderline personality disorder, this book brings practical, compassionate tools for boundaries and communication within dysfunctional families impacted by BPD. It’s worth noting that BPD is frequently rooted in early trauma, so this book can double as a resource for families untangling the ripple effects of trauma across generations. Seeing clients gain a more thorough understanding of their loved one’s behavior while also empowering them with concrete tools to handle it keeps this one on my shelf and on my list.
"Are You Mad at Me?" by Meg Josephson
This one goes out to all my fellow people pleasers and over-apologizers! In this book, Meg Josephson reframes people-pleasing as fawning, the fourth trauma response beyond fight, flight, or freeze. Fawning is an instinct learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. The book explores other childhood roles like Peacekeeper, Performer, Caretaker, and Perfectionist that protect children in dysfunctional households but often create exhausting patterns in adulthood. I am often introducing clients to the author’s NICER technique (Notice, Invite, Curiosity, Embrace, Return) as a concrete way to sit with hard feelings instead of managing everyone else's.